I attended a great webinar this week that began by stating that multi-tasking is a myth.  This was jarring news to me as I was in front of the ZOOM screen taking in the training while signing receipts, reading an email, and drinking my tea.  What they said I have heard before and this is that it is an illusion that we are being more productive trying to do many things at once.  That we lose time regaining focus from one task to another, that there is an attention residue left from the email we just read as we turn back to the report we are writing and as such we are not at our best doing any of it.  So, the lesson of the day was to work to espouse the age-old practice of single tasking.  Being intentional about doing just one thing well, just one task that has a full attention and just one focus for our attention to remain solidly on.  This is very difficult and that was noted by the trainers.  We are becoming hard wired to drift, if we wait more than 30 seconds in a line, we pull out our phone for a check.  When I watch TV, I seem to be in a bad habit of googling that actors to see what else they have done on my phone.  It was said that it takes 23 minutes and 15 seconds according to studies for your focus to completely return to a task.  If that is true it would mean that almost all the time our brains are transitioning their focus and perhaps, we are never completely on task, completely zoned in, and we are working to make great gains and do good things with only a portion of our brain riding shotgun.  The speaker urged us to be ruthless with our attention, to clump up like tasks and focus, to block times when we don’t let other things distract and to try to just do one thing at a time.  I guess what I especially liked was that at the end of the training it was reinforced that this is hard, there is no magic solution or tool and that we just need to keep on making little adjustments to try to make our days better, more productive and in the end more enjoyable.  What is one small shift you could make today toward single tasking?  A few moments where you were not focused on multiple things, a tiny adjustment that made each day could lead to big results.  Decide what needs a big focus and then zoom in on it for a little while, as you can, in your day, see if there is a difference.

I read books, and I very often choose secondhand books for my fiction choices and then pass them on to others when I am done.  So, we are talking about hundreds of previously owned books passing through my life.  This past weekend I was reading a book and I got to the last page, and it ended mid-sentence and careful inspection revealed that the last few pages had been ripped out.  I have questions, why did they get ripped out?  Why then was it donated to a secondhand store?  How in the world am I going to know how this book ends? It is hard to imagine what happened, but just like in other things sometimes we must accept that we will never know how it ends, there are things left unsaid, people suddenly leave, something ends, and we must go on and figure out how to live with the unknowing. We have to think about what in this situation can we control, how we are going to react and behave and really we are not in charge of much else.  My only choice here to accept that until I find another copy, I am simply left to wonder. Do what you can with what you can, until you can do better.

I have long struggled with the Anais Nin quote “We see the world not as it is, but as we are”, it is all about perception and all those filters that we have applied throughout our life, learning and experiences that affect how we are interpreting and categorizing what we see.  I mean, really, shouldn’t things just be, black and white, one way or another, a fact?  How can there always be room for interpretation and difference?  I recently had a disagreement with a friend, and they sent 10 pages of a book to prove their position.  The fascinating part of that exchange is that I dutifully read the ten pages and absolutely found that they backed my position and idea.  Now this is a learned friend, so I knew that they would be equally convicted that it proved their position to be correct, so I said nothing and moved on.  However, the whole exchange offered me another opportunity to think about this quote and idea, that once we have decided on a position, we can often find back up in whatever we look at.  In this way, the greatest of care should be taken in developing the firm opinion.  We find what we are looking for.  So, I guess we have two options or maybe two equal tasks, we need to stay open about our opinions when we can so that we can take in new information and keep on learning.  Secondly, we need to understand that there is often no single interpretation, with the exception of maybe math, that something that seems absolutely conclusive to me could be interpreted in a completely different way by another.  I think its important to be convicted about things, but the awareness that others see the same things very differently is just as important for this sojourn that we are all on together.  Sometimes there is great strength in being vulnerable enough to try really hard to see things through a different lens, an alternative frame or at least to acknowledge that a difference could exist.  How rich our lives can be when we see things as we are, and as we all are. 

It is the new year 2024 and we are just a few days in. It is also January the dark month with no holiday anticipation where mental health becomes top of mind. How do we shore ourselves up to get through to the spring? I have read a number of articles that would urge us all to be gentle, to rest and to reflect the natural rhythm of the winter, longer sleeps at night and more time for reflection. That is perfect were it not for the hockey practices, shifts, school projects, care for others and a million other jobs that tend to pile up. But maybe the gentle part is something we could pull off. Maybe we could slow down just a little, play the board game, read the book, rewatch that favourite movie. The days are getting longer little by little, maybe that’s the approach we just take to everything- little by little we will make some positive change, little by little be more present, little by little find something to enjoy for a few minutes and little by little get through the darkest month of the year. The old saying goes that all journeys begin with just one step. So, let’s all take just one step in the direction of a better January and a rested and rejuvenated us ready for the Spring that will arrive.

It is almost New Year’s Eve and already the commercials are setting us up to be a better self in the new year. Organization and exercise seem to be the important messages for what constitutes a new person in a new year.  Let’s not fall for that hustle this year, sure I think the passing away of the old year is a great time for reflection, but why does a new me involve some kind of wall Pilates, fitness app, spinach smoothy makeover.  How about we take the time to reflect on who we became in 2023, what kindness did we find for ourselves, what change did we make for someone else?  Did we laugh every day?  Did someone find a hard time easier because we shared a sandwich?  And now for the new year, how can we rise a little more, call a friend that seems down, connect with a relative you have not seen in years, volunteer to do something new and helpful, learn, grow, look at something from a completely new angle.  I am all in for the new year, new me, I just think that the new me part is so multi-dimensional and builds on the person we were last year.  I love the idea that what we do right here today, the small habit changes are the ones that have the biggest impact long into the future.  Do something today, try a new thing and next year at this time, we can again reflect on the impact in big and small ways of the journey we are all on together from one year to the next.  Goodbye 2023 with your lessons, triumphs, happy moments, and challenges, laughs and heartaches, Welcome- a shiny new year with no mistakes in it, yet.

We have definitely entered the busy season.  No matter what holiday you celebrate there is an extra added event or two to your already packed schedule.  I recently mentioned that my hands ache a little if I play piano too many days in a row.  My pragmatic friend offered that there is an easy fix, stop playing piano several days in a row.  Seems simple and is doable most of the year, but this, my learned colleague is the busy season, gigs and practices about holiday cheer through singing and I am the accompanist.  In playing piano I am always clear with people singing that I will follow them, so if they want to linger on a note or slow the pace down, I will adjust, they are setting the pace, its their performance and I am just in the background plonking out the melody on the piano.  Makes me think about how we can show up in the world and in our work.  There are times where we set direction for ourselves and go boldly forth in what in that moment leads us to our best possible life.  I would wager, if we pay attention to our bold moves and growth spurts, somewhere in the background there is an accompanist, someone who is just following our lead, keeping time for us, holding space for our dreams and helping us to adjust our timing.  There is an age-old reminder about living a life knowing that at any moment you could be inspiring another, I guess what I am thinking about is paying attention to your backup band in your successes.  While you may be inspiring who is behind you just supporting you, plonking out the tune of your next move?  You decide the tempo, linger in bars (musical ones) as long as you need and those accompanist will follow, will catch up, will slow down and meet you where you are.  Sometimes we are the soloist, sometimes in the choir, and from time to time we are all in the background ensuring that another can hear the melody of their dreams a little better so that they can make the bold moves. 

I read a passage recently that said when we are children, we look at ourselves in the mirror and we love what we see.  We are delighted in our reflection, happy with our skills, and confident that we are an artist, a singer, a star and that anything is possible.  I recently went to my eight-year-old nephew’s hockey game, and afterwards what I experienced was equal to an NHL media scrum.  He was proud beyond belief at his one goal and his performance on the ice. I just loved the way he sauntered out of the change room and greeted his adoring fans.  Where does all this go as we get older?  I think we start to question our abilities; we start comparing ourselves to others, we get messages big and small about what we are good at, what we should stop doing, what we need to improve. And then we get kind of stuck in a place where we are on a continuous loop of disapproval and self-improvement.  Do we take enough time to question these messages?   Mrs. Hutchinson gave me a D in music in grade 2, that was a message that I added to my reflection over the years. However, I think she was mostly reflecting on my inability to stop chatting in singing time, or my tendency to want to sing all the parts.  I did not go on to be a full-time singer or musician in my adult life, but I did go on to keep enjoying music no matter what Mrs. Hutchinson thought all those years ago.  This is our one magical life, own what you are, look in the mirror with happy acceptance and try to saunter with the confidence of an 8-year-old scoring a goal on a Saturday with his aunt cheering.

I have a friend from high school that went on to have six sons, make her living and her life on a massive seed farm and pretty much makes me look like I am standing still most of the time.  Recently, on Facebook she posted about an average day, each son off in a different direction, husbands clocking a 16-hour day in the tractor and her working and cooking and coordinating.  In her note she added after about a thousand items: “and to top it off I overcooked a pan of bacon and now we will be having bacon bits”.  I have so many questions, why when cold cereal exists is she cooking bacon on a busy day?  Why are they not just eating the crumbly bacon beside their eggs? Why can I not even remember the last time I cooked bacon?  She is a force of nature, and I am in awe.  I think too it reminds me that while my life seems far less complex the overcooked bacon part seems pretty familiar.  The one thing on top of the whole long list of “to do’s” that does not turn out right, that gets over done, under done, blown or completely missed.  So I guess, like my pal we have two options, throw up our hands and give in to the forces of an over busy day or instantly decide to make a salad that requires bacon bits.  The pandemic overused the word pivot, but I guess that is what we are talking about, when something does not turn out the way we were expecting or it is just the one thing that we can’t make right in a long list of things to do, just spin it, crumble it up, put it in a Ziplock and pretend that bacon bits was what you were aiming for.  And in all times remember that cold cereal is an option for any meal in my opinion. 

I find myself a bit down, caught up in a few weeks of losing a few people close to me.  For anyone my age, you will understand when I say I have been listening to a lot of Air Supply, need I say more?  Most recently I said goodbye to a dear friend that I have said for years “ran marathons, like for fun that I do not understand”, but he did, and he ran 105 in his lifetime. Ken did lots of other things but running was his passion and he could be found each day in the early morning taking in the dawn’s early light in his running gear.  At his funeral a running mate told a story of when he was trying to qualify for the Boston marathon, in which Ken had run a few times.  They both entered a local marathon to get the qualifying time. Ken finished with a good time and instead of resting he ran back a few kilometres and ran beside the friend trying so hard to qualify, encouraging him, supporting him, crossing the finish again with him and they both went to Boston.  I have to imagine that I would want to rest.  I so admire this idea that when his race was done, he just turned himself around and added a few more kilometres to make sure a friend crossed the finish.  I know that the tiny part of the world that Ken occupied will miss him terribly, his dry sense of humour and completely incongruous general grumpiness and love for all things Christmas. And now even in his early passing from aggressive cancer, I can be inspired to not only run my race to the finish, but to run beside those I want to support, may I never be “all out of love” and keep the pace he set.  

This past weekend I was at a retreat, and in case you have never been the hallmarks are time away, good food and strange team building activities.  This retreat did not disappoint with lovely lakeside views all over.  The activity was simple as a group we were blind folded and placed all around a rope that was tied in a circle, we had to pick it up and then form a perfect square.  Sounds easy enough, but it wasn’t.  For my role I followed the leaders voice, I was told I was a corner in the structure, and I took it very seriously feeling with my two hands for the angle and directing people on each side of me to shuffle one way or the other by calling out what I felt my hands were an angle.  I was a serious corner maker. Then suddenly the group realized that we had only assigned three corners and that in fact with the number of people around the rope, I was no longer the right person for the corner job. Now I was just along the side, no real purpose but to ensure the rope was tight and straight. I felt the loss of my little activity role acutely.  And of course, got teased mercilessly for my disappointment.  I just got caught up in the experience and in making my corner 90 degrees and as perfect as a I could and then suddenly it was not my job, I had no input, I could not help, all I could do was hold my rope. Like lots of retreat team builders it seemed like a simple activity, but it offers deep insights.  I wanted to be making a difference in a corner.  I wanted to have a clear task.  I wanted to co-design and be counted on.  What a great reflection about the roles we have in our work, play and life.  There are some things that I like to just be part of, just hold the rope, just sit back and absorb.  Other roles I have I like to make a difference and have a voice and be a true participant.  Think about your roles and the roles of people around you, are they meeting your needs, are they filling your tank, are you engaged.  In all kinds of ways we need to seek out the opportunities that we find engaging, pick where your corner is and hold on.