I have seen this a number of times on the internet through social media and other areas that seek to entertain me with knowledge and humour. It is the practice of leaning boards, so that people in lovely gowns or other clothing that must remain prestige as a scene is being shot over and over can remain wrinkle free. In other words, they are not allowed to sit down and make creases.  Photos then show wonderfully elegant actors leaning in a kind of 45% angled gurney reading a magazine or sipping coffee. My reflection here is a reminder of realness, that we unconsciously look at the elegance of beautiful people on screen and think that we are somehow not measuring up. In fact, those that we think we need to measure up to are being held together by pins, have a team of make up artists and are not allowed to sit down between takes.  We are sometimes holding our real lives, our authentic adventures up against, a make-believe visual world of camera tricks and contrived looks. We sit down, we spill things, we cry our make up off, we are real.  So how do we know what is real to compare ourselves to?  We don’t so I think the idea that all of this musing reinforces is that we can’t know what is real and what is put on for the audience, so the only comparison we can confidently do is, making sure we are who we want to be, that we know our real life.

I had an aha moment this week when I was participating in a retreat for leaders.  The facilitator simply said, “human first”.  This was in the context of several participants discussing the overwhelming schedules and work loads that they were juggling and how they felt when they let things drop or could not find the energy to accomplish more and more. Human first is a pretty simple statement and message, but I think it offers so many of us something to think about.  We are often quick to ask about what a person’s job is, if they have kids, what they contribute to community. It is often an auto response to describe how busy we are.  We get a little focused on human doing more than being.  And so in this frantic focus on doing we can get caught up in roles, jobs, accomplishments, and all that we do.  What does it mean then to just focus on human first? To me it is a reminder that we are worthy just in being here, we are of value in our humanness, in just who we are, not what we do and accomplish.  How does that change what we do day to day, does it mean that we stop doing?  Not possible, but perhaps it just means that we ensure that in our internal dialogue we know that if we are doing things its not to make sure we matter, that we are worthy, we already are as humans.

I have had a challenging few weeks where my health has prevented me from doing things that I had planned, that I enjoy, my work and my volunteer commitments.  It has been difficult to cancel and reschedule over and over again.   I am so appreciative of everyone that has helped me to do this.  One of the things that I had to miss was the funeral of a mentor and friend.  Ross was my 4-H leader when I was 12 until I was 18 and stayed in and out of my life for my adult years as he and I would cross paths.  Ross was always interested in what I was doing, how my family was, where I was at in my life.  As a leader in our small community Ross was not a person you would find at the front of the room, not with a microphone in his hand or taking charge of everything.  His leadership was the quiet kind, the kind that held space for whoever he was talking to, the kind that encouraged and took an interest in young people and adults all the same.  I have reflected plenty in recent days about how he never treated us like we were know-it-all teenagers or any less than the adults in the room.  He listened to what we had to say, heard our problems or our solutions which he had probably heard a dozen times over given his long tenure as a leader.  He was patient and smiled and kept on leading in his way.  I can remember being completely wrong in my farm safety quiz about something, and he simply held my gaze in a quizzical manner and asked – are you sure that’s the answer?   In these last few decades as I have met him at different community functions I gravitated again to his special orbit, his quiet listening, full attention, real interest in what I was doing and who I was.  Yes, over the years I know he received a few honours for his commitment to his community and his volunteering, but he never walked his path like a decorated hero.  Just a person, interested in people, leading the way for so many of us to have the time and space to figure out what kind of person we were going to be.  His leadership was unassuming and came from the back of the room usually, however, he had a huge impact on so many in his community.  When you get some time to reflect, I think we can all think of these mentors on our path, the ones that modelled a presence on the earth that had a quiet, lasting legacy and we are all the better for it.   

(Previously enjoyed from July of 2021) I had the pleasure of watching an outdoor Taekwondo class last week.  It was a tremendous time in a local park where twelve participants learned and practiced intricate moves.  I have no frame of reference for what was actually happening, but one thing did stand out.  There were young students that worked hard, kept repeating the moves to try to perfect them and were clearly getting tired.  And these students did this whether the teacher was watching or not.  In other cases, there were participants that did what they needed while the teacher was facing them but took things slower or even took a break when the teacher was with other students and could no longer see them.  I am not about to surmise that these are extreme character differences, after all knowing when you need a break is also a good quality.  However, I do think that if the goal is being good and getting better at the art of Taekwondo, there will be a measurable difference in the kids that seem driven to be accountable to themselves for hard work and do not need the watching eyes of the teacher or others to motivate them.  There are plenty of platitudes that back me up on this, but most impressive to me was the drive and determination of the kids that did kick after kick assessing for themselves if it was yet good enough.  Lots of people might comment on how we do what we do, and praise and instruction are terrific motivators, but if we can strive to do better for the sake of being better, the world of possibilities opens, a world where we get to choose how we improve for us.

At my house there is a grandfather clock, which I love, it chimes four times an hour.  Guests often comment about how in the world we tolerate the constant noise, but as anyone with a chiming clock or close to railroad tracks can attest, we do not always hear it.  If I am sitting quietly in the living room, I can sometimes notice the chiming.  Otherwise, it fades to the background.  Unless of course I have a living room full of ladies for book club, it which case I heard all 8 interruptions and was wishing I had planned ahead to let it wind down.  I think this happens in lots of ways in our day to day lives, in our communities and in our homes.  Some things fade to the background or become so normal that we don’t always notice.  This could be the beautiful things around us, or some of the harsher realities as people struggle and face hardship.  Part of being in community is trying to adjust our attention to notice it all.  Notice where you might fit in, help, create something new or just be present with others.   At Community Living we can understand that everyone is busy with their own work and worry.  We try to make new connections and promote inclusion, but we also have to honour what else is grabbing the attention of neighbours and groups.  We recently had a person we support be diagnosed with a complex medical condition.  One of the worries that our staff had was if the person should move closer to a hospital equipped to respond  to this condition in the city.  The specialist was quick to respond that the loss of one’s community and social network would be for more detrimental to health than the distance from specialized medical support.  Let that sink in for a moment, we are better when connected to others in our communities, we are healthier and it is more critical to our well-being than we can imagine.  I love my grandfather clock because it grounds me in the present, it is visually pleasant to look at and it was a childhood dream of mine to someday own one.  I may not hear it when I don’t pay attention, but when I do it always lifts my spirits.  Seek out what lifts your spirits.  There is so much going on in the background and all around us, take some time today to notice Haliburton, the people, the connectors, the contributors, the neighbourhood champions, the leaders, the businesses, the people all around.  Make time for attention to all that is here, all that is available, our health is better for it.

My husband is a little bit famous for his sentiments when I am leaving for work.  His sayings include keep your stick on the ice, keep the shiny side up and his oft used, keep your powder dry.  All these refer to something colloquial that I don’t fully understand, but in essence he is always urging me to do my best and stay safe. And now as my kids leave each day for work, he gets to ramp up his game and pass on these gems to them.  So, a few days ago he told my daughter to “keep the wind at her back”.  I am sure my daughter did not offer any response in the moment as she trudged off, but in the evening, she was sharing this story.  It had been a windy day and with her stepdad’s words in her head, each time she found herself in the wind, she turned to put her back to it.  She was excited to report that this had made a huge difference in her day.  I love this, as I know my husband was not trying to be instructional, but he did offer great advice in his words.  It reminds me of two things.  First the way we often say these kinds of things, asking people to take care, to be safe, to be watchful, these are all different ways of saying that we care.  Different ways to show that just for a moment we are offering words of farewell that literally ask another human to aim to be well.  Secondly, it makes me think about all the little sayings we have that we fully understand, but that we can easily use with people that are from a different generation, a different culture or a different communication style and make no sense at all.  In this case, my daughter took it as literal instruction and she had a more pleasant day.  In other cases, it reminds us to be cautious about using references that do not convey what we are trying to say.  I basically understand that my husband knows that I do not in fact fire canons or muskets in my work and therefore do not require any reminder to keep the gun powder dry so that it will have optimal effect.   He is simply using this old saying to tell me to take care of myself and be cautious in my day, I think.  Let’s keep telling each other to be well and safe, in a way that we know everyone can understand.

In the middle of a rather tense community table meeting a colleague blurted out: “we must think of the geese”.  This ED quickly elaborated. She described that when a flock of Canada Geese descend into a field and search for left over corn or other nibblies, a few geese stand watch.  Then as the odd goose gets their fill they will take over as sentry and let the former guardian forage for snacks.  So, in the context of the meeting, my learned friend was trying to say that as agencies sometimes we are in the receiving side of grants and good things, and sometimes we must stand sentry for one another as partners.  So, while she sounded a bit off topic at first, in the end it was a reminder about what it is to be partners in community.  I have been thinking about this over the last few days, as we have weathered different challenges, in lots of ways.  Sometimes we get to be the snacking geese, able to just relax and look for what sustains us best, enjoy the uninterrupted time to seek out what we need.  Other times we may be the side kick, that guard that pays attention to what our loved ones or colleagues need most and working to make it happen for them, with little thought to why we are not able to equally enjoy the corn feast.  I love this idea too because it is absolutely true that none of us are able to reap rewards and delights all the time.  So, in the gaps and in between times, that is when we can take some time to check on others, close in around someone who needs it, offer some kind of help.  Community connection offers us both the chance to reap and the chance to sow, we can find what sustains us and we can also, with a little effort, guard and create space for others, remember the geese.

Since getting the role I have in 2011, I have moved offices several times. In all those moves a desk lamp has remained constant. In the recent move around to accommodate flooring the light stopped working. In some busy days I did not give it much thought, but one day this week when I wanted to do a lot of reading, I took a closer look. I wiggled cords and tightened the bulb, all the technical know how I have. In my attempts to repair the base broke. Disheartened I decided that the lamp that had been my constant companion would now need to be replaced, so I crawled under the desk to unplug it. In doing so I found that it had not been plugged in since the flooring was installed. I taped the base back together and committed my lamp back into service. I wonder how often I do this.  I look to make a change because I can’t see the light in the moment only to find that I in fact have not plugged in. I have perhaps, not fully committed, I have not given the time and attention needed, I have not reached out to those that can help and guide, I have not taken time to fully recharge. I wonder too, how many times I have looked to others to do the work of checking if I have brought my best. I have heard it said that humans are just complicated houseplants, we need water and sunlight. Maybe there is a chance that we all could see the light at the end of our many tunnels or that pushes us to show up with our best, more often if we make sure we are plugged in to our community, our best version, our unique gifts and those around us. Its worth checking under the desk a little more often.

When the ice storm began it was a gentle storm at my house, then as it wore on it was clear, this was going to be a great challenge.  Like lots of people, I lost power for a while and lost many of my favourite trees around the yard.  However, there were things to be found.  I saw great community solidarity on my neighbourhood Facebook groups, helping one another, picking up baby formula and diapers for strangers. People checking on others, lending out generators offering help to clear trees blocking driveways.  Communities opening warming stations and community members with woodstoves and generators offering their own homes as places to get warm and have a coffee.  And so much of what we were missing we normally take completely for granted.  The hot shower, the charged phone, the Wi-Fi, the lights, the water for rural folks.  All these things that we depend on but often fail to even notice as a blessing in our day to day lives. So how about this, lets notice, let’s just take a minute acknowledge the wonder of our conveniences after we missed them for a time.  Let’s think about how we can offer our gifts to our communities even when not in a state of emergency due to weather.  We often feel our challenges so deeply because, well, they are difficult and heart wrenching. And just when we get through one crisis another one is brewing.  But maybe, just a few moments in the morning or evening to think about what is great, what is working and all we have could break it up, alter the course, lighten the load and light up our days.

I used to spend time with someone who made me laugh, who I enjoyed being with and who fundamentally disagreed with almost everything I believed in.  Just a quick word of advice as much fun as we were having, this is not sustainable.  What I reflect on today though is a strange phenomena that probably has a psychological name.  We would often challenge each other to read articles and books that would expound our thoughts and beliefs to the other person.  So, they would dismiss my Brene Brown and Louise Hay and Martha Beck type reads and challenge me to read Nietzsche or Richard Bach.  I can’t say if it was a shared experience, but when I read the books, I was challenged to, I was reading through my lens, my core beliefs and my musing mind.  So inevitably, I was finding that in lots of ways these texts meant to change my mind I found to be echoing my thoughts.  Dance to music no one else hears, be true to yourself, fly high even when no one believes that a seagull should have such lofty goals. There were some edgy things that were not quite as inspirational as my chosen guides, but why was I finding so much aligned in texts meant to prove that an opposite view was out there?  I guess it just reinforces that we see what we are looking for, we see not what is there but who we are.  It is also a reminder that seeing something different takes real effort, a conscious task of putting aside bias and blind spots. That to really see we have to take a fresh look.  All the more encouragement than to seek out different points of view and really let them in.