I guess every family has their stories and legends. One for my family is about my brother Jason. In the early years on our farm before there was a yard light, it could be very dark when you had to march from the house to the barn. And yes, we had flashlights, but in a household full of kids, they often were missing. Jason worked out a strategy of taking a piece of straw, as he walked along the well-worn dark path, he focused on the piece of straw. That way he did not get overwhelmed or scared by the darkness, he could just focus on the straw and feel his next step on the well-worn path. We retell this story often and I have come to regard the strategy as a great one for life in general. Out there in the dark there is a lot to see, take in, understand, worry over, and be overwhelmed by. However, on this path there is really only the next step for us, the next right thing within our corner of influence. We can vote, we can stay informed enough to offer our opinion and support in things that matter deeply. We can make sure our neighbour and family feel safe. We can do well at our jobs and make a positive change in the place that we are. We don’t need to figure out the whole continent or try to fix massive issues or conflicts. We just need to focus on the piece of straw, feel with our feet and our intellects where we are going, where our personal path leads and keep moving forward. It is easy to feel the weight of the dark, however, determining the next right thing for each of us, in the here and now with what we can do and change, will slowly, collectively make a huge difference to the larger environment. For now, just focus on whatever your straw is, family, faith, work, health, helping, and you will get there.

When I was growing up I went to a large church every Sunday.  Sometimes when asked about my leadership or public speaking I credit this part of my past.  It was the kind of place where everyone took their part, there were lots of opportunities to try things, sing, act in little plays, lead groups and have fun with people.   One memory that I have is a Sunday service when the minister, Rev. VanderWindt  said that he had something in his hand.  He said he would give this treasure to any child brave enough to come right up to the front and tell him what he had.  Now churches today often have more like a stage atmosphere where everything is on one level, but this was the 70’s and the pulpit was still very much a lofty height that towered over the congregation.  With some urging from my parents and with no other children making a move, I sprang into action.  In front of that big crowd, I walked to the front and climbed the steps to the higher platform where the minister stood smiling.  He opened his hand and showed me what he had, he asked me to tell him what is was.  I remember clearly whispering to him that it was a “golden dollar”.   This is a long time ago, but I remember instantly knowing that I had said that wrong thing and that he would now say into the microphone to everyone that this little weirdo beside him had mistakenly said golden dollar instead of silver dollar.  I remember the panic.  However, he straightened up and said into the microphone that I had identified it as a silver dollar and then he handed it to me.   I know this story to be part of my very make up, the courage to go up in front of all those people, the pluck to take a chance when no other children were rising, and the result of being corrected so kindly, all has offered me a little confidence.   And this was a tiny moment, Rev. VanderWindt has passed on now, but I would be surprised if he remembered it as he quickly sent me back to my seat and continued on with his message that day.  All the time we have opportunities like this, to share a silver dollar or to identify a silver dollar.  Moments to offer a moment of confidence boosting kindness where we correct quietly or teach or model.  I completely believe that we will never remember or notice all these moments that have impact on others.   Which means we just have to keep living each day with the knowledge that every golden silver dollar counts.

I received some coaching this week about answering questions.  As you may well imagine, I have a tendency to tell a few stories, add some interesting layers of detail and make a few jokes when being asked questions.  I have come to know that I am a storyteller.  However, in this scenario I was being coached for an occasion where none of that would have been helpful.  The person gave me two important pieces of advice.  First, repeat the question in your head, replay it and determine what information the question is seeking.  Secondly, take a pause, take the time to have a think, answer what is being asked, there are no points for speed.  It got me thinking about how we usually rush through things and how I can get all excited when I am talking with friends and sharing stories and laughs.  There is a quote that I see often that says that the trouble with communication is that we are waiting to reply and not really listening.  We are, sometimes, waiting to top the story, or insert humour, or insert another story that adds to the topic at hand.  However, what I was practicing in this session, was just answering, just communicating, just listening and thinking and working to understand what is being asked.  I think it is worth the effort.  I think when we really listen, we make a connection, I think when we answer what is being asked, we really communicate and in that way every conversation becomes an opportunity to make great things happen.  Maybe just have a think about all that I have said and pondered here; do you think you could give it a try?  Don’t answer right away.

I read a great book this week by Darci Lang that reminded me of the timeless truth that I only have control over how I react and what I think about.  We don’t in fact have a ton of control over the hassles of a day, the moods of others, even how others perceive us or like us.  A friend likes to kick off every morning with a text and this week she offered a text with an image that said “the same boiling water that softens the potato, hardens the egg.  Its about what you are made of, not the circumstances.” It was amazing how this lined up so well with what I was reading.  I think I know part of what we think when we hear these messages.  Our minds can start to think- well, but what about the grumpy neighbour?  How does my just adjusting my feelings get back to him to take him down a peg or two?  Wouldn’t yelling and starting a gnome war be more productive.  I think what Darci and whoever came up with the potato lesson had in mind was us.  Our peace, our hearts, our time, our day.  Not that hiding the neighbour’s favourite gnome does not elicit some mischievous joy, but in fact the neighbour is in charge of themselves and their world view that has brought on their decade long mood.  We can’t change that by matching the anger or sullenness.  And all our efforts to try to change him are in fact, you guessed it, only affecting our own day and emotional state.  If we buy right in that our inner peace and calm and happiness are the prime directive, it is amazing how differently we look at the world.  Like anything it will take practice, and recommitment all the time, but Darci argues that if we stop letting our emotions get hijacked by those around us and focus on our mindset- mashed potatoes abound.

The holiday season seems to elicit the same mix of emotion with me at the end of it every year.  I start to feel overwhelmed by the decorations and start to crave the wide-open spaces that usually exist.  While at the very same time, I am a little sad about the ending of the holiday season and feel a sense of loss at the thought of packing away all my precious decorations.  These are opposite emotions and reactions to the rather large number of decorations that I put up each year. Each year logic takes over and I put away the decorations for another year. Then move into the new phase of competing emotions, the simple enjoyment of the wide-open spaces and the remorseful thoughts of the season ending.  This can happen, where we hold two different, perhaps opposite feelings or thoughts, where we truly feel torn about something.  How do you figure out the next step? I think what I have learned is that not rushing to figure out what to do next is important, sitting with the question, spending time looking at all sides, asking more questions for clarity – are all important. I have also come to realize that if I do this well in the pause, the path forward will become clear as I work at holding the space in my mind to have a think.  And while my holiday decorations are a simple conundrum, the more complex decisions take time and energy to wade through.  It is more than possible to hold two positions or opinions, sometimes we may be able to just continue, sometimes we have to decide on one and go.

Despite my best efforts, my years of experience and my great knowledge of how the world is marketing to manipulate me, I do get caught up in the new year, new me phenomenon.  I do start to set goals and make plans to improve some area of my life that I think is mediocre or needs an overhaul.  And just like every year, I will probably fall back into my old habits by February or March.  It is a hustle so that box stores can sell equal amounts of exercise equipment and storage solutions as we all get whipped into a frenzy to reorganize our clutter and our cholesterol intake.  There is something that draws us in about a clear new year, without mistakes or missteps, just waiting for our fresh intentions and commitments to a new direction or situation.  Here is what experience tells me, be gentle, pick one thing, make a change that you enjoy that you can stick to.  Take a minute to acknowledge that you filled all the years gone by with your own pile of accomplishments and that all that you have learned and tried and done have made you who you are stepping into this year.  Set an intention to take what makes you special, unique and brilliant and be more of it, the world needs what only you can offer.  Our lives after all, are lived in the moments and the days, in the little ways and days, maybe reflected on and assessed at the turn of the year.  Just like Calvin said- it will seem like nothing is changing or improving until suddenly it has, and we are celebrating yet again as a different person walking forward.

I got a new phone this week, and I know that this is now a universal experience so everyone will understand what I am talking about.  It feels a little different in my hand, I had to remember countless passwords to open all my regular apps, and the sounds are different.  However, some where in my eyerolling I remembered that not very long ago a new phone meant that all your contacts were erased, and that you started all over for customization.  Now I have a phone that in just a half an hour has the same weird selfie on my lock screen that my daughter snuck on over the weekend.  All my apps are in the same place and all my conversations and contacts.  We have come so far in our technology and convenience.   It’s probably like this with many things, we sometimes forget all the good when faced with a little irritation or trouble.  You sometimes see a popular meme that expresses, remember when all you have now was something you were praying for?  That is true for many things, I used to drive old cars that my first husband pieced together with duct tape, that could easily choose to stall at any time, and I wished for a reliable car. Now I have had a non-taped reliable car for well over 20 years. It is important to once and a while remember, there are many things so much better, things we know better, lessons we have learned.  Sure, there are still challenges and wishes for better, but the day to day is so much brighter when sprinkled with gratitude and appreciation.

I watched a documentary on the crossword puzzle world called Wordplay from 2006 last week.  It was interesting and full of devotees of the hobby as a wonderful way to relax, stay sharp, feel a sense of victory, and be challenged.  Bill Clinton was one of those interviewed about his love of the crossword.  He talked about how it is a great problem-solving exercise, that you sometimes after looking at many clues before you find something you know, then you start there.  You start with what you know and then through the connecting, crossing letters the rest of the puzzle can come into place.  He said that was a great tool for any problem solving, start with what you know and then look for the connections and build a solution from there when it is all overwhelming.  I talked about this with a lawyer friend of mine who is facing a few files that have no clear solution.  We talked about the idea presented by Clinton.  She reflected that it was a good reminder to not look at the whole case all at once, but instead start with the small pieces that could be resolved. Then from those little ends tied, see what could be done with the rest of the situation to seek a resolution.   I think there is a good reminder for us as we get set for a busy season ahead.  Start with what you know, with what you can accomplish, with what you know the answer to and then let the connections to that fill in the blanks of more of the problem or task.   Seek out the answers you know, fill those boxes, then see what boxes they overlap with and keep on finding answers, soon the solution to the whole grid will be in reach. 

I recently had a trip to Toronto, way into the heart on Lakeshore Boulevard this of course requires the congested trek along the Don Valley and Gardiner that can easily be stop and go. The GPS of choice was telling us that we could save time by exiting and moving through Toronto Streets, then merging back on. We did it, changing lanes to exit, navigating the busy streets and bike lanes and pedestrians and unfamiliar turns. Then made the challenging merge back onto the big arterial roads. Funny thing was that after all that our estimated destination time remained unchanged. Upon reflection, we had to decide if the adventure and the fact that we stayed in motion was preferable to the reality of being stopped for long periods on the bigger roads. Did we enjoy seeing parts of the city otherwise missed? Had the endeavor been worth our while? I am not sure we decided as we continued our journey, but I did reflect after at how there are lots of times that we have to contemplate changing lanes, trying something different, risking things and stepping out of the comfort of what we know really well. Sometimes it works perfectly and sometimes we end up in a similar place to where we started. In either case we gained something in the adventure to take to the next part of the road ahead.

I took part in an event last Sunday that was later presented on YouTube.  While I was there, I was so taken with the music, a wonderful big choir, the grand piano and the pipe organ playing together for the music, the people gathered singing out.  My heart literally sang as the music swirled around me and I knew when I was there that this was so special.  When I got home, I was excited to play some of the selections for my family.  However, when I did, it was not the same, the microphones only picked up the piano, making the organ quite faint, and the multitude of voices were not well broadcast again due to the microphone placement.  That wonderful surround sound was only hinted at in the recording.  It reminds me about how we do  have to be present and enjoy the live action in our lives.  Sometimes at concerts or events we want to record and take photos and can if we are not careful, miss some of the experience in looking for the best angle.  I know for me when I am snapping photos, many of them are not really that good with people moving, weird facial expressions and blurry images.  Sometimes we just have to take it all in, make a memory in the database of our brain, as there is no digital substitute for many of our experiences.  Sometimes the pipe organ can only exist in our memory, and perhaps that makes it resonate even more.