I like to plan; I have to-do lists and goals and journals and all sorts of tools to try to make sense of my busy days.  I have long term goals and short-term strategies.  For all my planning and listing though I can never be sure what news or challenge each week is going to bring.  I can have my calendar all mapped out and find myself completely redirected after a single phone call or email that takes my day and sometimes my week in a different direction.  So, knowing how often my plans go amuck, I continue to plan and list out my tasks and try to remember all that I must follow up on.  Why is that?  I think for the most part experience has taught me that while I cannot predict fully what awaits in any given day, my plan is something to fall back on.  My list can last longer than one day and help me to refocus when the storm passes.  I can still reflect on goals as I deal with the incidentals.  I love the quotes from Ralph Waldo Emerson that says – finish each day and be done with it.  While I know there is utility in planning around the incidental diversions, I also know that regret and worry that I did not get it all done or get it all right, serves no purpose at all.  I guess what I am thinking about is how we need to set a direction that we can go back to each time we get side tracked to a different path due to circumstances.  Even when the crisis makes it necessary to alter the destination, knowing where we were planning to be can inform us about where we can adjust and change those plans to reflect the new circumstance.  Emerson talks about absurdities and blunders…which I have made a few.  They are in the past and I still know that my plans will get me where I need to go tomorrow or the next day.

I had the chance this week to attend a meeting where a staff person of the municipality spoke about her work and a project that she was launching.  Her aim here was to advise the committee where I was attending about her project, which was very interesting.  What stuck with me more though was her passion and interest in the work that she was doing.  It was a magical elixir, she presented her project and talked about the work that she was doing with such joy and enthusiasm I think all of us in the room could imagine her love of her work.  How fantastic is that.  To be able to not only work hard in a chosen role, but also to absolutely love what you do and really believe in the impact that it has.  Like all people, as I get older, I really do start to realize how short life is and how meticulously important it is to spend our time whenever we can do things that make our hearts sing.  And while that cannot always be our jobs or other roles that we must attend to.  I think it is critical that we find at least one thing that we can take part in, a hobby or club or job where we really get to stretch our wings, lose track of time, get inspired and find that passion and interest.  I think one of the keys is to reflect on when the last time was that you lost track of time, when you looked up and hours had gone by, or someone had to text you to say- are you ever getting home.  What was that activity?  What was at its heart?  It should offer a pretty good indicator of what you like best to explore, do or learn about and you can build from there.  In big and small ways, it is how we spend our days, hours and minutes that does define how we spend out life.  Seek out your own magic elixir.

I pass a long-term care home on my way to the Lindsay office.  From many partner tables I understand some of the many pressures these homes are under to provide excellent care, recruit staff, balance the budget, manage vacancies and proving their worth in regular reviews.  This is an immense amount of pressure to do quality care for people.  On their sign I read in bold letters: our purpose- cultivating happiness.  It made me think about all those standards of care and pressures, I would imagine that it could be easy to think that their purpose is to get the care right or to have optimal supports and facilities.  How wonderful then to imagine that despite all the pressures and regulations, the team can see clearly that their mission is something more.  Cultivating happiness is a tall order, I am sure they mean that they need to work to make each day a little brighter, infuse fun and activity, foster connections and family involvement and honour all in their care as people first.  A great reminder for all of us as we get bogged down in all that is going on around us, when we feel the weight of pressures in our lives.  What is at the center?  What is the prime directive?  It could be- cultivating happiness.  Pressures seem to always get replaced by more problems when we focus on just trying to comply to all that we have to and get through.  However, as John Lennon says, life happens while we are making other plans.  Each of those days of worry and work add up to the days of our lives.  Our mission on all those days- cultivate happiness. Look for the big and small ways to make days lighter, find some humour, make others smile, or just notice the good and light moments and appreciate them everyday.

This is a wild winter, snow is everywhere and in huge piles.  It is a challenge to move around the communities as every driveway is heaped on both sides with snow, you have to traverse knowing at all times that you cannot see who is backing or driving out of their driveways and those drivers cannot see you.  We all have to be a little more careful, more watchful and know that we are all in the same place, a place where you cannot see over the snowbanks.  There is a generosity in travelling in this kind of condition, a sort of resigned idea that we can all get through this together with a little more attention and a lot of grace.  And maybe its not just the snow piles, there are lots of things going on that blocks our clear view of each other, the future, what is going to happen next.  How can we navigate in these blind spots?  I think the same applies.  Acknowledging that we are all in this same situation where the piles are high and rising and we can’t always see each other clearly.  Grace, by definition means that we just take a pause before deciding, offer a generous view in our assessment of the situation and that we are open to other interpretations and paths.  At any moment the snow could start to melt, and we can move freely with clearer vision, but for now, we know that we are limited to only what we can see in the narrow views between the snowbanks. Let’s journey forth together, paying close attention and taking care of each other. 

I spent a full day in a meeting in the basement of a church, after the meeting I went home, did a virtual meeting with a group in Haliburton, had some supper, went to my book club meeting, parked on the street for the meeting and later came home. Once home I had a message from a neighbour and church member saying that she was sorry she ran into my car earlier. I had not noticed, but once alerted could see that my driver door did have a scrape and dent in the center. She was so anxious in telling me and assuring me that she did not mean to leave the scene of an accident but got flustered. She was worried that my reaction would be anger. Anger? I did not feel a jot of emotion beyond relief that she had taken responsibility and mild annoyance that I would need to go through the motions of repairing my “new to me” car. But anger, nope, I had been to Lindsay parked on the street, had yet to notice the damage, if she had not owned up, I would have eventually noticed and would have paid myself to fix it. I think sometimes we get anxious applying emotions to another party and it stops us from making a call, asking a question, offering a suggestion.  And yes, people can get angry or resent feedback sometimes, but I think more often, people take those ideas about our dents and scraped places and make changes, glad to have been alerted.

I guess every family has their stories and legends. One for my family is about my brother Jason. In the early years on our farm before there was a yard light, it could be very dark when you had to march from the house to the barn. And yes, we had flashlights, but in a household full of kids, they often were missing. Jason worked out a strategy of taking a piece of straw, as he walked along the well-worn dark path, he focused on the piece of straw. That way he did not get overwhelmed or scared by the darkness, he could just focus on the straw and feel his next step on the well-worn path. We retell this story often and I have come to regard the strategy as a great one for life in general. Out there in the dark there is a lot to see, take in, understand, worry over, and be overwhelmed by. However, on this path there is really only the next step for us, the next right thing within our corner of influence. We can vote, we can stay informed enough to offer our opinion and support in things that matter deeply. We can make sure our neighbour and family feel safe. We can do well at our jobs and make a positive change in the place that we are. We don’t need to figure out the whole continent or try to fix massive issues or conflicts. We just need to focus on the piece of straw, feel with our feet and our intellects where we are going, where our personal path leads and keep moving forward. It is easy to feel the weight of the dark, however, determining the next right thing for each of us, in the here and now with what we can do and change, will slowly, collectively make a huge difference to the larger environment. For now, just focus on whatever your straw is, family, faith, work, health, helping, and you will get there.

When I was growing up I went to a large church every Sunday.  Sometimes when asked about my leadership or public speaking I credit this part of my past.  It was the kind of place where everyone took their part, there were lots of opportunities to try things, sing, act in little plays, lead groups and have fun with people.   One memory that I have is a Sunday service when the minister, Rev. VanderWindt  said that he had something in his hand.  He said he would give this treasure to any child brave enough to come right up to the front and tell him what he had.  Now churches today often have more like a stage atmosphere where everything is on one level, but this was the 70’s and the pulpit was still very much a lofty height that towered over the congregation.  With some urging from my parents and with no other children making a move, I sprang into action.  In front of that big crowd, I walked to the front and climbed the steps to the higher platform where the minister stood smiling.  He opened his hand and showed me what he had, he asked me to tell him what is was.  I remember clearly whispering to him that it was a “golden dollar”.   This is a long time ago, but I remember instantly knowing that I had said that wrong thing and that he would now say into the microphone to everyone that this little weirdo beside him had mistakenly said golden dollar instead of silver dollar.  I remember the panic.  However, he straightened up and said into the microphone that I had identified it as a silver dollar and then he handed it to me.   I know this story to be part of my very make up, the courage to go up in front of all those people, the pluck to take a chance when no other children were rising, and the result of being corrected so kindly, all has offered me a little confidence.   And this was a tiny moment, Rev. VanderWindt has passed on now, but I would be surprised if he remembered it as he quickly sent me back to my seat and continued on with his message that day.  All the time we have opportunities like this, to share a silver dollar or to identify a silver dollar.  Moments to offer a moment of confidence boosting kindness where we correct quietly or teach or model.  I completely believe that we will never remember or notice all these moments that have impact on others.   Which means we just have to keep living each day with the knowledge that every golden silver dollar counts.

I received some coaching this week about answering questions.  As you may well imagine, I have a tendency to tell a few stories, add some interesting layers of detail and make a few jokes when being asked questions.  I have come to know that I am a storyteller.  However, in this scenario I was being coached for an occasion where none of that would have been helpful.  The person gave me two important pieces of advice.  First, repeat the question in your head, replay it and determine what information the question is seeking.  Secondly, take a pause, take the time to have a think, answer what is being asked, there are no points for speed.  It got me thinking about how we usually rush through things and how I can get all excited when I am talking with friends and sharing stories and laughs.  There is a quote that I see often that says that the trouble with communication is that we are waiting to reply and not really listening.  We are, sometimes, waiting to top the story, or insert humour, or insert another story that adds to the topic at hand.  However, what I was practicing in this session, was just answering, just communicating, just listening and thinking and working to understand what is being asked.  I think it is worth the effort.  I think when we really listen, we make a connection, I think when we answer what is being asked, we really communicate and in that way every conversation becomes an opportunity to make great things happen.  Maybe just have a think about all that I have said and pondered here; do you think you could give it a try?  Don’t answer right away.

I read a great book this week by Darci Lang that reminded me of the timeless truth that I only have control over how I react and what I think about.  We don’t in fact have a ton of control over the hassles of a day, the moods of others, even how others perceive us or like us.  A friend likes to kick off every morning with a text and this week she offered a text with an image that said “the same boiling water that softens the potato, hardens the egg.  Its about what you are made of, not the circumstances.” It was amazing how this lined up so well with what I was reading.  I think I know part of what we think when we hear these messages.  Our minds can start to think- well, but what about the grumpy neighbour?  How does my just adjusting my feelings get back to him to take him down a peg or two?  Wouldn’t yelling and starting a gnome war be more productive.  I think what Darci and whoever came up with the potato lesson had in mind was us.  Our peace, our hearts, our time, our day.  Not that hiding the neighbour’s favourite gnome does not elicit some mischievous joy, but in fact the neighbour is in charge of themselves and their world view that has brought on their decade long mood.  We can’t change that by matching the anger or sullenness.  And all our efforts to try to change him are in fact, you guessed it, only affecting our own day and emotional state.  If we buy right in that our inner peace and calm and happiness are the prime directive, it is amazing how differently we look at the world.  Like anything it will take practice, and recommitment all the time, but Darci argues that if we stop letting our emotions get hijacked by those around us and focus on our mindset- mashed potatoes abound.

The holiday season seems to elicit the same mix of emotion with me at the end of it every year.  I start to feel overwhelmed by the decorations and start to crave the wide-open spaces that usually exist.  While at the very same time, I am a little sad about the ending of the holiday season and feel a sense of loss at the thought of packing away all my precious decorations.  These are opposite emotions and reactions to the rather large number of decorations that I put up each year. Each year logic takes over and I put away the decorations for another year. Then move into the new phase of competing emotions, the simple enjoyment of the wide-open spaces and the remorseful thoughts of the season ending.  This can happen, where we hold two different, perhaps opposite feelings or thoughts, where we truly feel torn about something.  How do you figure out the next step? I think what I have learned is that not rushing to figure out what to do next is important, sitting with the question, spending time looking at all sides, asking more questions for clarity – are all important. I have also come to realize that if I do this well in the pause, the path forward will become clear as I work at holding the space in my mind to have a think.  And while my holiday decorations are a simple conundrum, the more complex decisions take time and energy to wade through.  It is more than possible to hold two positions or opinions, sometimes we may be able to just continue, sometimes we have to decide on one and go.