I went to the dentist for a cleaning, and I could tell that I had a recently graduated dental hygienist.  The tell-tale signs were the length of time that she took to clean my teeth and the length of the flossing lecture. I am not complaining, I deserve the flossing lecture, I am not a thorough and dedicated flosser.  There is a wisdom that comes with experience that would say that if someone my age is in the chair and I reflect that I floss three times a week, that is a pretty well engrained habit.  At this stage, the length of the lecture is probably not going to make an impact, something may happen to shake me up to get in line or more probably I will just continue with my dedication as it is.  So, while I do agree in theory with daily flossing that includes all the teeth and not just the front ones in a rush,  a simple reminder would suit the purpose.   It’s a truth that we all eventually learn, we are not that effective in any arena of life trying to change the behaviour, attitude, habits or mindset of those around us.  It is a long lesson, where we try and try again to have people change to have a happier life, but the student must be ready for the teacher to have any impact.  We learn as adults through our experiences, our shake ups and near misses.  We can learn from a bit of good advice from a friend, but it is still a completely inside job to have that information get through to us.  The dental hygienist will probably shorten her advice lecture over time, as she will learn that a patient at peace with the plaque is not ready to change just yet.  When I get the urge to tell people how to change, I too must know that its their own plaque to have or to floss away at their own pace, in their own time.  The only person’s habits that I can influence are mine,  now perhaps I will go floss an extra time.

I don’t know much about fixing cars, but here is what I know as a person that has driven many not so new cars in her lifetime. You can’t fix just one brake line. A new brake line is stupendous, does its job perfectly, but its newness will add pressure to  the whole brake system and that will cause the other older lines to crack and break. It is the connectedness of the whole system; all the lines need to be replaced or all the lines need to be strong, or all the lines need to be able to hold up under pressure. It is not going to work for just one of us on a team or in a family to be strong and content and well. There is a connectedness in groups of people. Or looked at another way, if the pressures and stresses pile up on one team member, the others will soon feel the strain and start to crack. So, I wonder if we can be mindful of what load we are carrying, what we can ask for help with, what we need to share, what we need to carry on our own so as not to burden others already under pressure. Sometimes in this fast-paced world we are rushed and barely have time to think about what we are trying to do. Whenever we can, we do need to take a minute to reflect on the whole system and do we all still have the strength and wholeness to brake together to not break together and make good things happen.

I had a meeting in Port Perry last week and the sun was shining, it was a pleasant drive and a productive meeting. My drive home was sunny with a few clouds, and I had my favourite music playing. Driving by myself I was focused on my thoughts of the day. Suddenly, I was startled by a noise I could not place at first. And by the time I had established that it was pouring rain, it had stopped. Looking in my rear-view mirror I could see the wet band of highway that was only about two car lengths wide. It all happened so fast, I jumped at the noise that just sounded like the car being pounded by an unknown force. I jumped when I heard it and then laughed right out loud when I realized it was rain. Rain is not abnormal, but I was not expecting it as I was driving in sunshine, nor I had I ever encountered such a short span of weather. My frame of reference for rain on the car involves clouds blocking the sun, a slow start that builds up to a harder rain and a longer expanse of time where I am driving in rain. This was so unusual. All happening in an instant, and was so jarring and bizarre, it all made me laugh out loud. The timeless truth we all face is that we really are not in control of what happens to us. I was in control of the music selection, in how I was conducting myself on the sunny drive, I was choosing my thoughts and having a pleasant drive. I could not choose or even guess that I would be interrupted by the weirdest rain shower I have experienced. I could not initially control my response which was one of surprise. And while I did not choose to start laughing really, as it all settled in my brain as an event that I was working to understand, continuing to laugh and muse about how caught off guard I was by something as usual as a rain shower, these things were all now back in my control. Stuff happens, a sunny day can still drop some rain, people can let us down, there can be setbacks we did not see coming. The choice we have is really just how we react, or continue to react, what part we reflect on, what we might change given this event and how we choose to remember it. So I chose to laugh, not even in the rain as it was behind me, but to laugh at the rain and myself. 

We recently had a safety inspection at the Peterborough office where we are moving offices for about 7 people.  It was noted on the inspection form that there is clutter and boxes and mess that is causing an unsafe working environment.  Now we know that this is a temporary situation due to the moves and that we are all working to get things readjusted and put away, but there was no changing the minds of the inspector.  They knew what they were seeing, hazards.  I know that a lot of jokes are made about Marie Kondo’s Art of tidying up.  For me the most relevant being where she says a person should only have about 30 books- to which I mentally reply- like in each room of the house?  But there is magic in tidying up, in getting organized, in controlling the chaos.  The inspector knew that there were trip hazards and unclear paths.  For those of us moving, we know that there is a challenge to find what we need, make room and get work done.  Clearing up in any space offers us a settled feeling.  And Dr. Rangan Chatterjee would argue the less decisions we have to make in a day leads to more core happiness. If we limit the little decisions like what to put where or in this case – where to look for something we literally save up that mental energy for the things that matter more and consequently feel more in control of our day to day and more present.  Life is just like this, offering at times the chaos similar to multiple office moves.  Our job is to face the challenges, clear the clutter, find the places where it all belongs so that we can have the energy and clear paths to make the most of each day.

My husband and I went to Norfolk County on a genealogical adventure a few years ago and stayed two nights at a hotel.  The hotel was fine, had what we needed, it was pandemic, so the complimentary breakfast was in a takeaway bag to take to your room.  What I remember most was that the pool was not open, a mess, needing repairs and it was right outside our window.  In the evening of the first night as we went to bed, we realized quickly that a pool that is sitting dormant with green water is a haven for frogs.  The sound was deafening as they all peeped their hearts out in the twilight.  A few nights ago I was working in our yard late and in the driveway and I again had the frog experience.  Our own pool liner ripped in the winter, and we have not opened the pool, it sits neglected and the frogs have clearly moved in.  Instantly I thought of our fun trip and those noisy nights.  Broken pools are a challenge and a cost and take work to fix.  I guess I am musing here that in the midst of the challenge I made great memories, frogs found a great place to rest, to play and it all makes a great story.  Like that overused quote about not waiting for the rain to pass, instead learning to dance in it.  Do not simply wait for the pool to be fixed, enjoy the frog concert while you are waiting.  I am positive it will catch on.  Enjoy the summer sounds.
 

My seven-year-old niece sent me a text in the middle of the day that read “OMG I am soooo cute” and I decided that is my goal, that level of self-confidence.  Why is that level of self-confidence so appealing and so elusive?  I think we all know that we are living in a world where profits are made from making us all think that something better is waiting to be purchased.  Commercials are designed to make us want to have that perfect outfit, food, drink, gadget, routine, interior design.  And we are all a little influenced so breaking the mould becomes even harder. We can discuss our faults and the faults of others with zeal, but when was the last time we had a good long talk about what makes each other and us great.  In fact, we shy away, we cover up, we make ourselves small sometimes to fit in better. I have no idea what my niece was doing or wearing or what prompted the text, but she knew, beyond any hint of doubt, that she had it all together.  Try it, take a moment, not to reflect on all you have done, but all that you are, all that makes you great.  Tell someone what makes them great and why.  Lets turn around the ad campaign. We don’t need any stuff to be “soooo cute”  we already are.

I went to visit elderly friends a couple of weeks ago and we had tea.  I am actually a bit fussy about my tea when I make it for myself, the water has to be boiling, the tea pot warmed, the tea fresh.  On this sunny Sunday afternoon my friend asked if I wanted tea and I said yes.  She asked if I took milk and I said no, she got to fixing the tea, and perhaps lost track of my answer, so asked again.  I again said that I did not take milk and just took my tea black.  All this time I was chatting with her and her husband.  A few moments later the tea tray arrived on the table with some lovely cookies and my cup was passed to me.  And you guessed it, I had milk in my tea.  There are times when you just drink what you are offered.  This was one of those times.  After all, I was there for the visit, I loved catching up with them, and I was having a pleasant visit.  No problem that the tea was not how I liked it.  Made me think about how we do have to decide each time we are offered a challenge or irritation how we will respond.  I think it made perfect sense to just drink the tea on this occasion, but there are times that present themselves where we need to speak up and let others know what we need to do our job, to be well, to enjoy this cup of tea.  We have that hot minute to decide to settle, accept or change the outcome in our reaction.  And only in that moment will we know what’s right for the situation at hand.  Some days we get tea exactly as we like and some days we get a refreshing drink with friends that is nothing like the tea we like, all in its turn makes up the brilliant tea party that is life.

In second year university I lived in a three-bedroom apartment with two roommates and while we did not know each other that well before moving in and all took different courses of study, we had one major shared interest. Yahtzee and yes, I am talking about the fast-paced dice game that requires math, luck, and a little strategy. We played it by the hour in groups of two or all of us. There are things that you learn when you play a game of mostly chance, and it is that often it is a matter of probability, strategy, and a keen sense of competitive hunger for the win. Since that time, the problem has been two-fold, first finding anyone who really loves Yahtzee and second finding someone who plays at the same level. There is still fun in playing with people who do not know to load up the top part of the bonus or waste turn after turn trying to create a straight. However, the real magic happens when we have a shared interest and level of skill. And I guess that is why it is with so much, we need to connect and keep connecting with people that we share an interest with and who can challenge us to try new things, think from different angles, feel a little overwhelmed and not complacent in being sure of our next roll. Getting all the dice to match in Yahtzee you waste the chances for so many other ways to get big points, we need to keep an eye for all opportunities. And what is the main goal here anyway? It is about fun, leisure, connecting with others and bragging rights for a few minutes until everyone moves on to the next adventure – roll on.

In 2022 I was part of a garden tour, not that my garden is perfect, but it is interesting, and I wanted to help out with the fundraiser.  I worked hundreds of hours to weed, paint, reorganize, build things and add some garden furniture.  On the day I got up early, put cushions on the benches in every corner of the yard, installed a solar fountain in the bird bath.  I placed fresh linen tablecloths on the tables and even took a few antiques that I had in the house and set them around the yard.  I put away all the tools, swept all signs of seeds and dirt from the patio, the yard was glorious.  About 100 people walked through.  Here is what I am thinking about, it was not real.  People from the tour probably still think that I am able to relax in a back yard that is glorious, filled with cushions and sparkling bird baths.  The solar fountain gets gummed up and overheats when the bird bath water gets low, it has never been used again.  The cushions all got gathered to keep out of the rain and most never returned and the weeds all grew back.  It was a moment in time, just like lots of social media, magazine spreads, family portraits.  The real, the messy, that is the everyday reality is where we all mostly live and isn’t it glorious filled with its own kind of sparkle.

Its an amazing fact that food holds so many memories, and that the sensory load of a favourite meal from childhood or a comfort food can instantly bring us completely to a central point no matter what we had been previously focused on.  We smell it, or taste it or see it, even just talk about it and instantly we are back inside a memory.  I was talking to someone this week about the Netherlands and they said that the food there is terrible.  Which I suppose could be absolutely true for them, but different for me, because its not just food or flavours or presentation.  Its memories of childhood, memories of my trip to Holland, its comfort.  So I can concur that kale and potatoes are not a culinary taste sensation or that salt and licorice don’t automatically belong together.  However, I must defend chocolate sprinkles as a sandwich food and cookies that are waffles filled with syrup as a great snack.  The foods we know and love will always be held in a different honour, maybe even if somethings taste better. Its where we are from, its who we are, its our past all rolled into a type of food that we seek out when perhaps others would not.  Lets embrace our differences, try new foods and just all agree that our favourite foods do not need to be everyone’s- where would be the flavour in that?