Previously enjoyed – August 2023

February 2023 was my son’s last reading week as he was set to graduate, I took one day off just to spend with him and he declared that he would like to offer that I choose the adventure, but then he realized my choice would be antique markets and cemeteries, so he thought again. It’s true, I do like cemeteries, I like history and family trees and cemeteries have a lot to offer. Every now and then my google pictures makes a collage for me with a wonderful title like- July day or summer fun and inevitably there will be some shots of flowers, family, pets, and a few tombstones. It always makes me laugh at the mash up of things I want to take a photo of. Right in the middle of captured joyful moments are these stone markers of lives lived. Tombstones do reflect that a life ended, but also mark where a person rests that lived on this earth for a period of time. A person that had dreams, was challenged, had joy, and experienced storms of different kinds. I guess while I do not plan to frame any of these masterpieces the collage does reflect how I spent some time. It’s a tricky thing balancing living with the end of life, balancing joy with sorrow, knowing that we need each to truly have a full life and to completely live with an understanding of all the colours of lives. There are a lot of tombstones in our lives, the ends of things, the paths not taken, the people lost, the job changes and relationships changed or ended. At the end of all that there is this mix, flowers of joy, people that made the sunset brighter and clouds to help us know that while we live, we face it all.

I have three friends that I send a meme or two to each and every morning.  Sometimes we say more, sometimes we just react and sometimes we just leave it at that and know that we have enjoyed a laugh or at least a grin. Turns out this practice has a name, as discovered by one of my daily meme friends.  It is called “pebbling” a term coined from the practice of penguins offering each other pretty pebbles.  It has been observed that penguins will scoop up a cool looking pebble when they see it and offer it to their mate.  Then they use these pebbles to make their nest. I love this analogy.  I love starting my day not only with the smiles and deep thoughts sent to me, but also with the knowledge that I crossed someone’s mind already.  That in the early hours of morning, a friend had on their to do list- offer Teresa a smile for the day.  And just like the penguins I can take those jokes, or notes, or inspirational quotes and make a start to my day, just like a nest to shield me from the cold.  I can go forth knowing that I have a few pals. It takes almost no time to ensure I have a few images to share, to send them, and make a positive change. I have had quick chats in the same way that had a lasting impact on my day. This is a practice that is available to all of us to do.  A way to pick up the shiny pebbles and share or take a minute to have a quick chat, it is endless to think about the impact that this can have on someone’s entire day.  When you see something shiny and beautiful, share it.

I went to the dentist for a cleaning, and I could tell that I had a recently graduated dental hygienist.  The tell-tale signs were the length of time that she took to clean my teeth and the length of the flossing lecture. I am not complaining, I deserve the flossing lecture, I am not a thorough and dedicated flosser.  There is a wisdom that comes with experience that would say that if someone my age is in the chair and I reflect that I floss three times a week, that is a pretty well engrained habit.  At this stage, the length of the lecture is probably not going to make an impact, something may happen to shake me up to get in line or more probably I will just continue with my dedication as it is.  So, while I do agree in theory with daily flossing that includes all the teeth and not just the front ones in a rush,  a simple reminder would suit the purpose.   It’s a truth that we all eventually learn, we are not that effective in any arena of life trying to change the behaviour, attitude, habits or mindset of those around us.  It is a long lesson, where we try and try again to have people change to have a happier life, but the student must be ready for the teacher to have any impact.  We learn as adults through our experiences, our shake ups and near misses.  We can learn from a bit of good advice from a friend, but it is still a completely inside job to have that information get through to us.  The dental hygienist will probably shorten her advice lecture over time, as she will learn that a patient at peace with the plaque is not ready to change just yet.  When I get the urge to tell people how to change, I too must know that its their own plaque to have or to floss away at their own pace, in their own time.  The only person’s habits that I can influence are mine,  now perhaps I will go floss an extra time.

I don’t know much about fixing cars, but here is what I know as a person that has driven many not so new cars in her lifetime. You can’t fix just one brake line. A new brake line is stupendous, does its job perfectly, but its newness will add pressure to  the whole brake system and that will cause the other older lines to crack and break. It is the connectedness of the whole system; all the lines need to be replaced or all the lines need to be strong, or all the lines need to be able to hold up under pressure. It is not going to work for just one of us on a team or in a family to be strong and content and well. There is a connectedness in groups of people. Or looked at another way, if the pressures and stresses pile up on one team member, the others will soon feel the strain and start to crack. So, I wonder if we can be mindful of what load we are carrying, what we can ask for help with, what we need to share, what we need to carry on our own so as not to burden others already under pressure. Sometimes in this fast-paced world we are rushed and barely have time to think about what we are trying to do. Whenever we can, we do need to take a minute to reflect on the whole system and do we all still have the strength and wholeness to brake together to not break together and make good things happen.

I had a meeting in Port Perry last week and the sun was shining, it was a pleasant drive and a productive meeting. My drive home was sunny with a few clouds, and I had my favourite music playing. Driving by myself I was focused on my thoughts of the day. Suddenly, I was startled by a noise I could not place at first. And by the time I had established that it was pouring rain, it had stopped. Looking in my rear-view mirror I could see the wet band of highway that was only about two car lengths wide. It all happened so fast, I jumped at the noise that just sounded like the car being pounded by an unknown force. I jumped when I heard it and then laughed right out loud when I realized it was rain. Rain is not abnormal, but I was not expecting it as I was driving in sunshine, nor I had I ever encountered such a short span of weather. My frame of reference for rain on the car involves clouds blocking the sun, a slow start that builds up to a harder rain and a longer expanse of time where I am driving in rain. This was so unusual. All happening in an instant, and was so jarring and bizarre, it all made me laugh out loud. The timeless truth we all face is that we really are not in control of what happens to us. I was in control of the music selection, in how I was conducting myself on the sunny drive, I was choosing my thoughts and having a pleasant drive. I could not choose or even guess that I would be interrupted by the weirdest rain shower I have experienced. I could not initially control my response which was one of surprise. And while I did not choose to start laughing really, as it all settled in my brain as an event that I was working to understand, continuing to laugh and muse about how caught off guard I was by something as usual as a rain shower, these things were all now back in my control. Stuff happens, a sunny day can still drop some rain, people can let us down, there can be setbacks we did not see coming. The choice we have is really just how we react, or continue to react, what part we reflect on, what we might change given this event and how we choose to remember it. So I chose to laugh, not even in the rain as it was behind me, but to laugh at the rain and myself. 

We recently had a safety inspection at the Peterborough office where we are moving offices for about 7 people.  It was noted on the inspection form that there is clutter and boxes and mess that is causing an unsafe working environment.  Now we know that this is a temporary situation due to the moves and that we are all working to get things readjusted and put away, but there was no changing the minds of the inspector.  They knew what they were seeing, hazards.  I know that a lot of jokes are made about Marie Kondo’s Art of tidying up.  For me the most relevant being where she says a person should only have about 30 books- to which I mentally reply- like in each room of the house?  But there is magic in tidying up, in getting organized, in controlling the chaos.  The inspector knew that there were trip hazards and unclear paths.  For those of us moving, we know that there is a challenge to find what we need, make room and get work done.  Clearing up in any space offers us a settled feeling.  And Dr. Rangan Chatterjee would argue the less decisions we have to make in a day leads to more core happiness. If we limit the little decisions like what to put where or in this case – where to look for something we literally save up that mental energy for the things that matter more and consequently feel more in control of our day to day and more present.  Life is just like this, offering at times the chaos similar to multiple office moves.  Our job is to face the challenges, clear the clutter, find the places where it all belongs so that we can have the energy and clear paths to make the most of each day.

My husband and I went to Norfolk County on a genealogical adventure a few years ago and stayed two nights at a hotel.  The hotel was fine, had what we needed, it was pandemic, so the complimentary breakfast was in a takeaway bag to take to your room.  What I remember most was that the pool was not open, a mess, needing repairs and it was right outside our window.  In the evening of the first night as we went to bed, we realized quickly that a pool that is sitting dormant with green water is a haven for frogs.  The sound was deafening as they all peeped their hearts out in the twilight.  A few nights ago I was working in our yard late and in the driveway and I again had the frog experience.  Our own pool liner ripped in the winter, and we have not opened the pool, it sits neglected and the frogs have clearly moved in.  Instantly I thought of our fun trip and those noisy nights.  Broken pools are a challenge and a cost and take work to fix.  I guess I am musing here that in the midst of the challenge I made great memories, frogs found a great place to rest, to play and it all makes a great story.  Like that overused quote about not waiting for the rain to pass, instead learning to dance in it.  Do not simply wait for the pool to be fixed, enjoy the frog concert while you are waiting.  I am positive it will catch on.  Enjoy the summer sounds.
 

My seven-year-old niece sent me a text in the middle of the day that read “OMG I am soooo cute” and I decided that is my goal, that level of self-confidence.  Why is that level of self-confidence so appealing and so elusive?  I think we all know that we are living in a world where profits are made from making us all think that something better is waiting to be purchased.  Commercials are designed to make us want to have that perfect outfit, food, drink, gadget, routine, interior design.  And we are all a little influenced so breaking the mould becomes even harder. We can discuss our faults and the faults of others with zeal, but when was the last time we had a good long talk about what makes each other and us great.  In fact, we shy away, we cover up, we make ourselves small sometimes to fit in better. I have no idea what my niece was doing or wearing or what prompted the text, but she knew, beyond any hint of doubt, that she had it all together.  Try it, take a moment, not to reflect on all you have done, but all that you are, all that makes you great.  Tell someone what makes them great and why.  Lets turn around the ad campaign. We don’t need any stuff to be “soooo cute”  we already are.

I went to visit elderly friends a couple of weeks ago and we had tea.  I am actually a bit fussy about my tea when I make it for myself, the water has to be boiling, the tea pot warmed, the tea fresh.  On this sunny Sunday afternoon my friend asked if I wanted tea and I said yes.  She asked if I took milk and I said no, she got to fixing the tea, and perhaps lost track of my answer, so asked again.  I again said that I did not take milk and just took my tea black.  All this time I was chatting with her and her husband.  A few moments later the tea tray arrived on the table with some lovely cookies and my cup was passed to me.  And you guessed it, I had milk in my tea.  There are times when you just drink what you are offered.  This was one of those times.  After all, I was there for the visit, I loved catching up with them, and I was having a pleasant visit.  No problem that the tea was not how I liked it.  Made me think about how we do have to decide each time we are offered a challenge or irritation how we will respond.  I think it made perfect sense to just drink the tea on this occasion, but there are times that present themselves where we need to speak up and let others know what we need to do our job, to be well, to enjoy this cup of tea.  We have that hot minute to decide to settle, accept or change the outcome in our reaction.  And only in that moment will we know what’s right for the situation at hand.  Some days we get tea exactly as we like and some days we get a refreshing drink with friends that is nothing like the tea we like, all in its turn makes up the brilliant tea party that is life.

In second year university I lived in a three-bedroom apartment with two roommates and while we did not know each other that well before moving in and all took different courses of study, we had one major shared interest. Yahtzee and yes, I am talking about the fast-paced dice game that requires math, luck, and a little strategy. We played it by the hour in groups of two or all of us. There are things that you learn when you play a game of mostly chance, and it is that often it is a matter of probability, strategy, and a keen sense of competitive hunger for the win. Since that time, the problem has been two-fold, first finding anyone who really loves Yahtzee and second finding someone who plays at the same level. There is still fun in playing with people who do not know to load up the top part of the bonus or waste turn after turn trying to create a straight. However, the real magic happens when we have a shared interest and level of skill. And I guess that is why it is with so much, we need to connect and keep connecting with people that we share an interest with and who can challenge us to try new things, think from different angles, feel a little overwhelmed and not complacent in being sure of our next roll. Getting all the dice to match in Yahtzee you waste the chances for so many other ways to get big points, we need to keep an eye for all opportunities. And what is the main goal here anyway? It is about fun, leisure, connecting with others and bragging rights for a few minutes until everyone moves on to the next adventure – roll on.