Want to have an argument? Probably you don’t – very few people do – but arguments are the stuff of life as we all try to get on with our day-to-day and all of the tasks and decisions that entails. What I have learned in the last week through training is that not everyone sees the world exactly as I do. I know most of you are thinking, “That is clear, what’s the big deal?” For me, though, the training was a deep dive not only into communication styles, of which there are many (and many people in the room shared a similar style) but also of motivations. Everyone’s motivators were very different, and the training made it very clear to me that we are all very different and consider diverse things as very important.
Arguments are, then, easily explained. Two people or two groups have a different opinion, are motivated by different things that affect their desired outcome and then, sprinkled on top, are different ways of communicating. This creates perfect storm, unless we can pause, take a moment to consider the stormy factors and think a moment on what it might really be like on the other side – what is really different, what could compromise look like, is consensus more important than ‘winning?’ And, finally, are my motivators getting in the way of really seeing the core of the issue, and can I flex to communicate in a way that is more compatible with how the other person communicates?
This is all a lot to think about when you are very mad or very passionate, but how significantly could it change our day-to-day interactions? I think it is worth a try. After all, if everyone thought exactly the same way, this would be one boring existence of mundane, “hi how are you?” Calm waters all the time never made a skilled sailor savvy in navigating the storms.
Thanks for all you do in storm and calm.