From the desk of Teresa Jordan – “Like attracts like” is a quote by Richard Bach, and he adds to it, with glorious sentiment, that all we need to do is shine brightly exactly the way we are to attract like people. There are some challenges to this idea, however.
Brene Brown uses a technique to get through tough times, during which she pauses and reflects by asking herself, “What is the story that I am telling myself?
I have been mulling over the collisions that would probably ensue when we tell ourselves a story based on our past experience, or go to automatic pathways of guilt, blame or superiority – and then those stories or actions attract people to us who have similar stories.
Which is all completely super-fantabulous except how do we ever move the needle over on the record to stop it from skipping? This self-reinforcing feedback loop is incredibly easy to embrance in current times, as the internet processes my stories through what I read and search, and then makes sure that I see more of the same.
After all, what is more satisfying than having a huge circle of friends who are like-minded, supportive and keep you safely where your thoughts have thus far led you?
This past week a friend, in response to what I thought was a simple teasing remark about ex-spouses, backed me into a corner in which I was challenged to face my deep groove of thinking about my current situation with my ex-husband. Step one, remove all said friend’s contact information from my devices. Step two, ask myself – what are all of these stories, both true and embellished, that I tell myself? And are these serving well me anymore?
This interaction and the ensuing reflection were uncomfortable but offered me new insights – as well as a few moments to unload some baggage that I no longer need on my journey.
So here’s the thing – if we don’t seek out different types of books, counter arguments to some of our favourite perspectives, and welcome dissenting points of view, we are arguably comfier, but we are also stuck. In any point in time there are a lot of great things to be stuck into – who doesn’t like their comfort zone? – but there are inevitable problem areas and discomforts. In order to change those up we need someone or something to challenge the trajectory of our thoughts, even just a little to help us see the B side of whatever is holding us back, or moving us forward in the wrong direction.
After that, maybe we will stay in the track we are on, but at least we took a few moments to make sure we know how we got there and what we are attracting. Seek out the friends who challenge, seek out the experiences that offer a new view, go to a completely different area of the record store and peruse.
I suppose step three is to enter that friend’s contact information back, for now…
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